| | I've always kicked around the idea of getting a tattoo, but never really had the nerve. Two summers ago, Samantha wouldn't jump off of the zip line on a youth trip, so Mel told her if she would, then I could get a tattoo. Then the idea really took off.
I decided that I would get one on my birthday (last June), but we couldn't find a babysitter. That probably means you shouldn't get a tattoo, but it's better than the alternative. But that's a story for later in the note. It kept getting put off until last weekend when Mel was going to be gone and she said I should get a sitter and get it done while she's gone. (That's why I love her) That plan fell apart. And then this weekend there was no turning back.
I decided to get a Captain America shield. Don't judge me. First off, it takes me back to my childhood. I was, and obviously still am, a comic book nerd. It takes me to a time of innocence. "The last great symbol of my youth," if you will. Captain America symbolized everything that was good. He always did the right thing. Some superheroes wade into these waters of right and wrong and made poor decisions. Not Captain America. He was always above reproach. He was able to be black and white in a gray world. I see Messianic implications, but I'm a big dork.
When people heard what I was doing and what I was getting, I had some interesting responses. Ryan's grandma, "What are you, 10?" Another nice lady, "Well, I guess you're old enough."
I wasn't really that nervous until I sat in the chair. Then I had to look around and ask myself if I really knew what I was getting myself into. Tattoo parlors are AMAZING for people watching. There were several people that wandered in off the street. Pretty sure that they wanted a tattoo, but they had no idea what they wanted to get. This baffles me.
When I first sat down, the first thing he asked me was, "So what's your next one going to be."
There was a family that came in with 3 kids. The kids were between the ages of 4 and 8. At least two of them were in their pajamas already. And this family REALLY stank. By the time we left, there were 2 other families there with kids. Simply amazing.
After the guy had been working on me a while, I asked him to amaze me with some crazy tattoo stories. He told us that 2 weeks ago he tattooed a ladies woman's labia. If you don't know what a labia is, go ask your parents. But DON'T tell them that The Goat sent you.
She had her husband/gentlemen caller's initials tattooed in that most intimate of areas. She told him that it didn't hurt. I don't even know what that means. She must not have understood the question. He said the tattoo was difficult because he hadn't gotten "any" in two months. Based on his appearance, I don't think he meant he had not gotten any tattoos. So I'm not sure what he meant.
He said that's nothing compared to tattooing the male equivalent of the body (from here forward, it will be referred to as The Unit). He told us that he had tattooed 3 labias and 2 Units. He said he charges $400 for a handling fee when dealing with a Unit, before they even start talking charges for the design. The amount of grief he gets around the office is barely worth it. He's decorated two Unit's. One had his wife/lady-caller's name with an apostrophe S. The other one had a scorpion tail on it, with the stinger on the...end.
Which leads me to the conclusion that people's private parts will be the end of our civilization.
In the end, it turned out great. My cool factor has now shot through the roof. Or was that my dork factor? I'm never really sure, but Mel just keeps rolling her eyes.
 
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| | Posted 2/10/2009 12:12 AM - 132 Views - 4 eProps - 2 comments
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